the low hum of the refrigerator sounds like loneliness. i swear it gets louder when it knows i'm alone. everything is amplified when the pain is just a dull throb, a constant reminder and not a sharp stab you know? the kind of awareness that makes you look at your own hands and wonder whose they are because they don't feel like yours anymore, they feel borrowed from some other life that's maybe better, maybe worse, but definitely not mine and god i am so tired of this in between place