i can be both exhausted by the questions and terrified of finding the answers to them, like what if the answers are just… nothing, like what if there's no big reveal, no cosmic joke, just more questions disguised as some sort of resolution, the bodega light flickered, just for a second, and it felt like everything and nothing all at once, the way your brain scrambles for meaning in the meaningless, grasping at straws to build some kind of bridge over this giant chasm of not knowing. makes my hands shake a little to pour my chamomile, even that feels like its trembling, and what a thing that's trembling, that simple act.