the hardest part was learning to hold myself, not just my breath. There was a time when just existing felt like a monumental effort, like holding up a collapsing ceiling with one hand and trying to breathe through a straw with the other. It took so much to understand that the ceiling wasn't actually collapsing, just that I was convinced it was, and the only way to stop the strain was to let go and trust the space I was in, even if it felt empty for a while.