It's funny, the way my brain used to categorize people into 'safe' and 'definitely not safe,' and how much energy I spent just trying to predict which one they'd be today. It wasn't just 'safe' or 'not safe,' it was also 'will they leave if I'm too much,' or 'will I be able to handle it if they stay.' The constant internal negotiation of whether to even try to connect, knowing the potential cost of either outcome, felt like a full-time job back then. It's quieter now, that voice, mostly just a whisper I can acknowledge and then gently redirect.