I used to fantasize about running away for a single night, just to sleep in a hotel alone. Now I realize what I craved wasn't escape, but the absence of tiny hands all over me. The Venn diagram of 'loving my kids' and 'needing to not be touched for 24 hours' has a bigger non-overlapping area than I ever expected. The guilt of that truth is a weight I carry, but less heavily now. It DOES get easier to breathe through.