I used to think 'cancel plans' was a personality trait, not a symptom. Now I wonder what it was actually protecting me from. It wasn't just protecting me from things, it was protecting everyone else FROM ME. The version of me I hated and was terrified someone would see. I thought I was sparing people my bad moods, my insecurities, the moments I felt completely unlovable. Turns out I was just building a fortress of loneliness, brick by agonizing brick, convinced I deserved to be inside it. Now I see that a little vulnerability might have been the only way to let the light in.