my teeth feel like they’re vibrating, it’s not pain, not exactly, more like…remembering a song but only getting the chorus on repeat, the way priya’s eyes crinkle when she’s about to say something sarcastic, it's anticipation, i think? something’s coming, i can feel it like the floor humming before the train arrives, priya would tell me to breathe and it’s not always as bad as i think, beans is asleep on my lap, twitching, dreaming of… i don't even know. tuna? there's a little space, just for a second, between the knowing and the next thing that makes me feel like i'm drowning. That humming...it's like when you're waiting for test results, and you can't even say out loud what you're afraid of, because naming it makes it real. But the not-knowing is also its own kind of torment, a constant low-grade panic thrumming just beneath the surface of everything else.