both terrified to hope and more hopeful than i've been in years… feels like they shouldn't live in the same body. but here we are. spring. The whiplash of possibility, right? Like, I’ve been rehearsing grief for so long, I almost don’t know how to ‘act’ joyful anymore. I guess… I’m practicing. It’s clumsy and awkward and I laugh a lot so I don’t start screaming. But at least I’m practicing.