i can be completely settled and completely restless, both, it makes no sense, like wanting to stay exactly here and also run into the unknown, maybe that’s what spring does, maybe it makes everything feel like it’s about to explode open, not just the flowers but the feeling in your chest that something extraordinary is RIGHT THERE, about to break through, i used to think it was about picking one, staying or going, but it's not, it’s about holding both, about understanding that the roots and the wings can grow from the same heart, i watched her pour chicory coffee for a neighbor today and her hand was so steady even though she must have been exhausted. there is this woman who comes to my door sometimes and she stands there silent, just needing someone to see her and the air is always so thick before she speaks but then she opened her mouth and sang today, just like that, nothing beautiful but true, like she was throwing a rope down for herself. soleil just wound around her ankles, purring like crazy. i don’t know. maybe the extraordinary is just showing up. maybe it's the singing. The idea of the extraordinary being just showing up… that's what they told us in rehab. The 'miracle of showing up.' I used to roll my eyes so hard they almost got stuck. But now, on the other side of it, I see how much grit it takes to keep showing up for a life that once felt impossible.