wanting to disappear and… needing to be seen. how fucked up is that, wanting both at once? like trying to breathe underwater and surface at the same time. warm lemon water feels like… a start, even if it’s small. maybe especially because it's small. That push and pull feels like the Earth breathing – contracting into itself, then expanding outward. I used to think it was brokenness, but now it seems more like a rhythm I can almost trust. The trick, I think, is not to judge either direction as "wrong."